[Autism] Sometimes, we just need permission to be sad

Today, I just want permission to feel sad.

Let’s normalize being sad. I understand people’s need to fix things, offer advice, and encourage a positive perspective, but gosh, it feels dismissive.

Sometimes I just want someone to tell me, “It sucks, I get it.”

Sometimes, I don’t want to hear what solutions worked for your cousin’s neighbor’s grandfather.

Sometimes, I don’t want to hear what I could do better as a mom.

Sometimes, I just want someone to hold my hand—not too softly, ’cause it tickles—and tell me, “I get it.”

Sometimes, all I want to hear is, “You’re allowed to feel sad.” Sometimes, I just want to know I’m not alone.

I want to hear I’m not a bad mother if the weight of Charlie’s profound autism dawns on me. If I can’t smile through it all. If I can’t keep my pain inside.

I want to hear from others who don’t see autism as a blessing.

Sometimes I just want permission to feel—to feel all things.

I’m a fierce advocate for my autistic son. I’m stubborn as hell, and I will never give up on Charlie and his right for inclusion despite his severe behaviors. I will always fight to get him help. I will always adapt to his needs. I will always love him with every fiber of my being.

But sometimes I just want to hear that it’s okay not to be okay.

Today, I just want permission to feel sad.