Over the years, the voices against ABA therapy have grown louder—and not in a fun way, like the cheering crowd at a Taylor Swift concert. Even mainstream media has started running one-sided stories claiming ABA is abusive, dismissing the millions of autistic people who’ve been helped by it. My son is one of them.
You’re probably wondering what the ABA controversy is about and why the autism community feels like it’s constantly at war over it. Let me walk you through it.
What’s the ABA Therapy Controversy About?
Before we dive in, I need you to understand something: no one in the autism community can speak for everyone–yes, including me. We’re a diverse bunch with different needs, experiences, and opinions. What works for one autistic person won’t work for another.
The controversy often boils down to people viewing ABA through a black-and-white lens. There’s nuance, but it’s often overshadowed by misinformation or personal stories that don’t represent the broader picture.
Also, just because someone had a bad experience with one ABA therapist doesn’t mean the entire field is flawed. I once had a dentist in France who made me swear off dental visits for years (seriously, it was that bad), but I didn’t decide that all dentists are evil—just that particular one. Same with ABA: bad apples exist in every profession, but they don’t define the whole.
Okay, now let’s get into the juicy stuff:
1. “It’s like teaching a dog tricks.”
This is the most common criticism of ABA. People say it turns autistic kids into little robots, trained to perform on command.
I get where this comes from—early ABA, decades ago, was rigid and all about do this, get that. But that’s not what modern ABA looks like. Sure, reinforcers like snacks or toys are still part of it (and honestly, I’d do a lot for some carpaccio too), but the ultimate goal is to help kids understand why behaviors matter so they can live more independent lives.
It’s not about creating robots; it’s about helping kids connect the dots in a world that isn’t naturally built for them.
2. “Why eliminate non-harmful autistic behaviors?”
Critics say ABA focuses on making autistic kids “normal” by discouraging things like stimming (flapping hands, rocking, etc.).
Stimming is a way for many autistic people to self-regulate, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Charlie flaps his hands, and we don’t stop him—it’s part of who he is, and it makes him happy. His ABA therapist have never once prevented him from flapping his hands.
I had one negative experience regarding stimming, but all I had to do was speak up, and it never happened again.
One of Charlie’s therapists tried to stop him from lining up his ham before eating it. Charlie’s a picky eater, and lining up his food helps him feel in control. I stepped in and told her to let him do it because, honestly, we have to pick our battles. She respected my decision, and after that, she never stopped him from doing it again. Moments like that remind me how important it is for parents to stay involved and advocate for their child. Therapists don’t know everything, and our voices matter.
It’s not about making Charlie less autistic; it’s about keeping him safe, helping him gain independence, and giving him the best shot at a fulfilling life. Reducing self-harming behaviors, like when Charlie used to bang himself against the walls and pick his skin until it bleeds, are non-negotiable for me—but lining up his ham? That’s not a battle worth fighting. This process is about collaboration, knowing when to let things be, and always keeping your child’s best interests at heart.
3. “ABA is ableist.”
Some people believe ABA is rooted in ableism (discrimination against disabled people, aka the idea that being neurotypical is better.)
As an autistic mom raising an autistic child, I disagree. Helping Charlie develop functional skills doesn’t mean I’m trying to change who he is. Think of it this way: do you discipline your kids because you hate who they are? Of course not. You’re just guiding them toward being their best selves.
ABA isn’t about “fixing” Charlie. It’s about making his life easier and safer. For instance, instead of screaming when he’s thirsty, Charlie can now say “I want water.” with his AAC device. That’s life-changing for him—and for me.
My Experience with ABA Therapy
For my son, who has profound autism, ABA has been a game-changer. It’s not about making Charlie neurotypical—it’s about giving him a voice and the tools he needs to navigate the world.
Thanks to ABA, Charlie has learned to:
- Communicate with his AAC device.
- Brush his teeth (no small feat, trust me).
- Use the bathroom.
- Tolerate dental exams without anesthesia.
- Avoid dangerous behaviors like running into traffic or swallowing screws
- Tolerate haircuts
ABA therapy is tailored to each child’s unique needs. For Charlie, that means safety, communication, and self-care. And yes, if it takes a Skittle to motivate him, I’m all for it.
ABA isn’t perfect, and it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. But for us, it’s been life-changing. It’s helping Charlie build a foundation for a safe and happy future in a world that isn’t always kind to people like him.
If you’ve heard the controversy and feel unsure about ABA, I get it—it’s confusing, and emotions run high. But I hope my story helps you see that there’s more to ABA than the headlines. For us, it’s been nothing short of amazing.
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