[Autism] Charlie, I love you

Autism and motherhood

I’ve been (over)thinking a lot the past few days. More so than usual. The fact that some people could think that I don’t love my son specifically because he’s autistic is beyond me. I know, they’re just assholes. I do love him. But still, it got me thinking, is my love for Charlie not obvious from my posts?

So I went back and I read all of my old posts. Every single one of them. How’s that for self-reflection? This one that I wrote two years ago really grabbed my attention. I remember this day so vividly. It was a tough day. I was sad but guess what? You can be sad about something affecting your son’s life – and by extension yours as the mother – and still love your child unconditionally.

This is what I wrote, unchanged:


Today was one of those days. We got the results back from your PPCD speech assessment. They evaluated your ability to communicate. If your delays in speech and communication were significant enough, you’d be eligible to attend the special-needs classroom. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that you would qualify. Still it hit me kinda hard when the speech therapist called back with the results. You scored in the 1st and 2nd percentiles for the two speech and communication tests. The bottom of the scale. “The gap is quite severe”, she said.

You know what Charlie? Those tests are stupid. Albert Einstein said, “If you judge a fish by its inability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid”.

I wish they would have evaluated your amazing ability to sort objects by size and color! I wish they’d evaluate your creativity when playing with blocks and the shapes you make. I wish they would evaluate your ability to make high towers and be so delicate when doing so. I wish they would evaluate your great taste in music.

Your inability to communicate and speak doesn’t define you. Autism doesn’t define you. You are unique, and you can do so much more than they saw at first glance. Let’s just forget about the numbers and focus on what you can do. I have a feeling that one day you will show them – one day you will tell them what you can really do.

I love you,


[su_box title=”Please read”]Thank you so much to all of you who reached out to me in response to my last post. Unfortunately along with the kind messages, I received some backlash as well. With the support of my family and friends I have decided to take legal action against those people who continue to bully me online. To the #actuallyautistic community members who harass me, I’d say my love for my autistic child is and has always been pretty clear on my, as you say, martyr mom blog. You fight for acceptance of autistic people yet you harass me, an autistic adult. This has to stop. Stop with your insulting emails, Instagram, Facebook, and blog comments. For your own sake and mine, and for the sake of your reputation, stop.[/su_box]

charlietrapper 1

To see more of my autism blog posts, click here

To see more of my mom blog posts, click here

You Might Also Like


  • Reply
    2018-03-19 at 6:03 AM

    Bravo !
    Effectivement, il faut poursuivre ces personnes pour qu’elles arrêtent de faire du mal.
    Tu es une maman formidable et beaucoup de mamans ont besin de ton blog.
    Bravo !

  • Reply
    2018-03-27 at 9:05 PM

    I have autism an still need dome help as an adult .those adults that don’t like what you do an give you
    A hard time .also have given me an my friends a hard time ,I think they are so mild or board line
    On the asd that they don’t understand .what it like to struggle an go from one end to the other end of the asd or not change at all .thry can’t realte to what I go though .or whist your son gose though but want to make all these rules .an when you ask have you ever been in sped ed or thus or thst most will say no .so now when I guest speak I will talk about what help me .what it felt like as a child an so on .if my parents an helpers didn’t do all the things they did .i wouldn’t be we’re I am .so don’t listen to the nerou tribe an stuff

    • Reply
      2018-03-27 at 10:36 PM

      Thank you Stefanie, I completely agree with you. They don’t get it. A lot of them are self-diagnosed and I wonder if they’re even on the spectrum to be honest… Sometimes, it feels like they’re just looking for an identity.

  • Reply
    2018-06-26 at 2:24 AM

    I needed to read this today. I’m feeling the same way about my son and it’s so nice to not feel alone, if only for a moment. Your love for your child is beautiful.

Leave a Reply