Things I said I’d never do before I became a mom

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Before I became a mom

You know when I was the best mom I’ve ever been? Before I actually had kids. I was such a judgy little shit when I think about it. I always thought I wouldn’t give my kid an iPad unless it was an educational video —a video totally necessary to their growth obvi. I was also convinced my kids would be little angels that say “hi”, “please” and “thank you” and never have tantrums in public.  They’d only have candy for birthdays, and I would never yell at them when I’m angry. They’d get a bath everyday because eww it’s gross not to. And of course I’d never bribe them to get some peace and quiet because wow that’s such a bad parenting decision, Becky!

Well… You know what? Turns out that I was wrong but hey I’m here to admit it.

After I became a mom

I’m that mom who gives her kid an iPad so she can go back to sleep in the morning. Baby Shark ringing in my ears all day. That mom who opens champagne when her kid says “hi”, and also that mom who writes blog posts about moms judging kids who have tantrums in public. Yeah, it’s also me, that mom who feeds her kid M&Ms for breakfast so she can drink her coffee in peace. Bath every night? Who need’em when you can use dry shampoo and look as good as new?

I might or might not have also given up some brownies in exchange for ten minutes of peace in the closet.

Yeah being a mom is a lot easier before you actually have kids. Now, excuse me, it’s wine o’clock!