Autism is never an excuse to be an asshole

Autism is not an excuse

Autism does not excuse bullying.

Autism isn’t a license to be mean.

Autism cannot be used to justify abuse.

While it’s true that communication problems are a core issue of autism, it doesn’t mean we can use our diagnosis as a free pass to say whatever we want, and it doesn’t grant us immunity from the things we do say. Autistic people can be blunt, but we need to strive to express ourselves respectfully. Serious discussions or not, on social media or in person, it’s our responsibility to learn how to keep debate and disagreements civil. Indeed, autism can sometimes explain lousy behavior, but it doesn’t excuse the hurt it may cause. As an autistic person, I’ve unintentionally hurt people. But, I would never purposely hurt someone and then shift the responsibility to the diagnosis I carry.

Hurting others because you’re upset does not solve your problems — it just hurts you more.

Thanks for the letter board quote Planning Across the Spectrum

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  • Reply
    2021-08-07 at 7:29 AM

    im still ape so i can kill you if i want to

  • Reply
    2021-08-07 at 5:57 PM

    Pretty sure it’s obvious, but in case anyone missed it, “LOL” wants you all to know that they’re the asshole referred to in this post, and that them being an asshole has nothing to do with whether they’re autistic. And also they’re an ape and allergic to capital letters and punctuation. 🙂

  • Reply
    2021-11-27 at 6:47 AM

    Kindness is still a key to use against someone because you might not know what they’re going through.
    You don’t fight hate with hate, fight it with kindness – Quote from Dhar man

    • Reply
      2022-03-06 at 8:49 PM

      It’s to the point where I don’t care and actively avoid people with autism because they WILL hurt you and then cry about it when called out. I used to be sympathetic but now I think you guys are unironically evil

      • Reply
        Lisa George
        2022-03-22 at 3:30 AM

        I agree. Thanks for that response because you nailed it.

      • Reply
        2022-03-22 at 3:32 AM

        I agree. Thanks for that response because you nailed it.

      • Reply
        Ann Russell
        2022-06-17 at 1:05 PM

        Yep. I’ve dated an abusive narcissist and an highly functioning autistic man. No difference. They mask in the beginning to get you in and then they take away all the affection and attention that lured you in. You become a mother. A nag. Begging to be hugged and kissed. Casandra syndrome is a real thing. It causes mental and physical problems for the neurotypical partner. Abuse is abuse whether you mean to or not. These articles make me angry. If an autistic person is capable of getting a phd, they are more than capable of going to therapy and reading self help books. Autism is not a valid excuse for neglect and abuse! There are little treatment resources for the neurotypical partners who are left completely burnt out and lost after going thru the wringer with an autistic man. They are just as evil as narcissists but for some reason they get sympathy and special accommodations in this world. No. Learn to live in this world and not hurt people. Period.

        • Reply
          evil autist
          2022-12-25 at 10:23 AM

          what the fuck is wrong with you? genuinely

          • Arya
            2023-03-29 at 3:59 PM

            i agree, i used to give my dad slack because he is an ‘autistic’ narcissist… then i realized I had autistic friends who were really nice, caring and empathic. Then i found out I’m autistic too, but the way it manifests for me is I’m overly empathic and people pleaser, shy and prefer to hang out with animals.
            So I also think, like you, that just because someone is autistic doesn’t mean it’s ok for them to be an a**hole all the time.
            It’s not up to us to enable and justify toxic behavior just because someone is neurodivergent.

            There are plenty of really sweet neurodivergents out there, find them, and just let the mean narcissistic ones hang out with each other

        • Reply
          2023-02-27 at 12:44 PM

          Yes…100% agree.

        • Reply
          Suzie F
          2023-04-29 at 3:40 PM

          Could not agree with you more.
          I could have written your reply myself, mine and our children’s lives were devastated by his abusive behaviour. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing outside the house, a mental health first aided and a facilitator for a mens mental health group and inside our house he became a terrorist.
          Whenever he was caught out he cried and blamed the autism but he was a narcissist to the core.

      • Reply
        2022-08-17 at 12:55 AM

        I think you are evil.

      • Reply
        as pyvic
        2023-02-23 at 1:16 AM

        this. exactly

        Sorry to have to say it but the truth is that Aspergers parents may not mean it, but in reality they are as damaging to others, particularly their children, as psychopaths.

        I have met many Aspies and most (but not all) are abusive. They ruin lives, they are control freaky, chaotic, cold, callous, horrendous, violent, abusive evil people and there should be immediate support for any child or partner who has to deal with their shit.

        Living with these maniacs and spending every minute trying to understand, sympathise, work with, work around, work through, endure takes a huge toll and their lack of love, art, emotion, nuance and complexity wrecks NT human beings in their immediate family.

        As the adult child of an undiagnosed Aspie parent, (who refuses to even consider the reality of their condition) I have seen little but destruction and ruin. There is a streak in these people that gives them joy to destroy those closest to them.

        Because of these obscene genetics I have inherited, I have spent years examining myself for signs of the curse. As such I know I am not one of them, and am so very thankful for that. However I recognise some of it in me, and can surpress that foul side.

        As such I suspect that many on the Aspie spectrum pretend they have no control over their savagery. They are able to rein it in when it suits them, but most don’t as prefer their rigid arrogance to any sort of attempt at empathy. It is a spectrum condition and it is up to those inflicted with it to make far more of an effort than they do to act like human beings.

        So I don’t give a crap about their excuses, and their lies and their denials, and the Aspie lobbty who burble wall of text shit without any self awareness whatsoever. Aspies need to take responsibility for their psychopathic lack of empathy.

        Fake it, if they can’t make it.

        As the damage they do is huge and their victims are unsupported, unacknowledged, disbelieved, marginalised and unheard.

        So again, sorry for the intensity of this comment, but it is, sadly, the truth. As I have been forced to live it for decades.

      • Reply
        Tracy Journell
        2023-05-14 at 12:19 PM

        Im just curious Marie- Do you hate all “disabled” people or just autisic people? As an mom of an austisic son – I’m glad you actively avoid people with autism if you have prelabeled all autisic people as evil. At least when they act or say inappropriate things, they have a reason why – whats your excuse for being so nasty? I can only pray nothing ever happens to you that leaves you with a neurological condition & are reliant on other people around you to not be unsentimental. Your comment is like telling a newborn child “you have to “tell” me when you are hungry because just “crying” about it is unacceptable – learn to talk or I will let you starve to death! You are the “EVIL” person in society, not them! May God have mercy on your soul & all the others below that agreed to your comment.

      • Reply
        2023-08-29 at 12:04 PM

        I feel the same about people with allism.

        They intentionally hurt you assuming things and putting words in others’ mouths and calling it facts.

        The people with allison with gaslight and blame autistics for their skill issues

        There isn’t thinking much on it, you guys are intentionally evil

      • Reply
        2023-09-17 at 3:17 PM

        It’s funny, because I think neurotypicals unironically evil for lying to themselves and others because lying is wrong and not productive.

    • Reply
      Autistic Cat Guy
      2023-07-13 at 8:00 PM

      Autistic people have a much harder time on average controlling their emotions than the average person. You have to take that into account.

  • Reply
    Jonny Bu'tthurt
    2021-12-19 at 8:12 PM

    most people with autism are arseholes, though not all arseholes have autism.

    • Reply
      2023-08-29 at 12:05 PM

      Really? My experience is that most allistics are assholes

  • Reply
    art teacher
    2022-04-27 at 1:33 AM

    I’m here because I just had a student be an asshole to me. His mother takes class with him to help “support” him and they *both* went off on me because I asked him to put his tablet away. This is a group sculpting class & he’s gaming & taking calls from his friends… I’ve never experienced this before because, you know, people sign up to make art. After I asked for the device to be put away, Mom asks him to put it away & he raises his fist to her like he’s going to strike. Mom saw my face & heard me say “whoa” (gut reaction) and she went off on me saying “he’s autistic, he’s autistic… I know my son…I don’t feel welcome or safe here… you make me feel like a crap mom…we’re going to leave.” It was crazy AND she claims to be a therapist. I’ve had students with different levels of autism before but felt compelled to search “What’s the difference between autism & being an asshole?” Your page came up.

  • Reply
    Alisha Smith
    2022-06-08 at 3:29 PM

    I’m here because my mother in law adopted her son when he was a baby. He turned out to be autistic. I’ve been in the family for 7 years. At first, the boy wasn’t much of a bother, he stayed to himself and mostly played on his tablet. Now it’s a whole other story. He will call me stupid if I sit in his spot. He will call my husband and I fat. He gets sent home from school almost every single day because he will hit, spit on and verbally abuse his teachers. I don’t know how my mother in law deals with it because he won’t listen to her or his dad. I have found myself not wanting to go visit my mother in law because of this ( and I love her and always have a fun time there, if it wasn’t for him). I honestly feel like I’m being bullied by a 12 year old. I’m afraid of what he will say to me or my husband in front of the rest of the family and embarrass us.
    A few years ago he came to our wedding and he was extremely rude to a good friend of mine, who is a teacher, and she said that kid is an asshole. I said yea, he’s autistic. And she said that doesn’t give him an excuse to be an asshole. And that statement stuck with me. It is not an excuse.

  • Reply
    John Smith
    2022-06-10 at 11:36 PM

    Just a friendly FYI that this article is being used as a means *to* bully people. I received a link to this article after a disagreement with someone, and it’s pretty obvious the intent was to call me an asshole–and autistic.

  • Reply
    Mako Eyveit
    2022-07-16 at 10:34 PM

    Read this after an autistic person used autism as an excuse to abuse me and attack me and also a girl using autism as an excuse to use me and make me look bad. I hate when people use autism as an excuse to treat their friends like shit and ignore their traumas like they’re the victim..

    • Reply
      Layla Levi
      2022-08-06 at 5:49 PM

      I’ve been through the same in a past relationship. My ex always excused their toxic and abusive behavior with their autism. And also to tell me she ‘has it worse than me in life’ and to invalidate my trauma…

  • Reply
    Joe watson
    2022-08-02 at 1:42 AM

    My gfs son is a total arsehole bullies his little sister wraps his mum around his finger and never gets punished as he “has issues”. The smug look on the little shits face when he upsets someone isnt autism I swear he’s just evil. He plays everyone because the second he is in trouble his head goes down and plays the pity card “I dont understand” next thing hes getting a hug from his mum or nan and gets a treat. Manipulating little arsehole.

  • Reply
    2022-08-15 at 5:29 AM

    My 14 yr old austistic son can make a mess of the bathroom and I am made to feel like an ogre of a father when I call him out about it.

  • Reply
    2022-08-17 at 1:03 AM

    Very disappointing comments, which are full of hate. This comment page is an example of the hate autistic people have to go through. No, it is the people on this page who are abusive and neglectful towards autistic people.

    • Reply
      Ricky Moore
      2022-08-26 at 8:29 PM

      Normies deserve to be shot in the head.

    • Reply
      2023-03-09 at 10:52 PM

      And how do you know? I also dated someone who had high functioning autism who turned out to be an absolute narcissist, completely aware of what he was doing, very intelligent and manipulative, told me he was going to kill himself when I caught him on a dating app and threatened to leave him, then half an hour later, he phoned me, ranting that it was all my fault!! So fuck you, people with HFA at least, know what they are doing and how they hurt others Used to have sympathy, but now no more.

    • Reply
      2023-03-23 at 2:53 PM

      It’s disappointing that you believe that being a straight asshole is okay because of a diagnosis. Lol, you got a lot more of life to figure out. Autism should not be treated any more different than other mental illnesses because that is what it is a MENTAL ILLNESS. Usually psychos get put in the jut house until they get treatment for it and are good enough to be released into society. Autism is just a glorified mental illness. Becausei Wil be the first to tell you but, Autism is the ONLY mental illness that is coddled and excused. Autistic people get special treatment as well which usually causes them to show signs of NPD. But they usually will try to convince you it is autism. But they’re just assholes.

      • Reply
        2023-05-01 at 4:13 PM

        You are so blatantly wrong its actually impressive just how much idiocy you crammed into that message.
        1:Autism is NEITHER “glorified”, “coddled” or “excused”, it is one of the most invisible diseases around. Someone with a hot topic mental illness like gender dysphoria can do literally anything they want and nobody is allowed to call them on it or the general public brands them as “transphobic”. Autism on the other hand in most cases is invisible, people with it go about their lives trying to pass as “normal” and people just write them off as “awkward” or “weird” and pay us no mind
        2: Autistic people do NOT get “special treatment”, cite one single example to support that absolute bs claim you made, guarantee you cant. Autism isn’t an issue that virtue signalling, ego stroking, self fellating idiots like you can warp on social media to pat yourself on the back for being “woke”. Autism is not taken into account in most places of employment under “discrimination” laws, almost every other diagnosible condition is. Autism is not talked about, it is not represented, it is not a buzz word on social media.
        3:”Autism should not be treated any more different than other mental illnesses ” Here you outright admit you know less than nothing about mental health as a concept. There are all kinds of diagnoses for a reason, they are different issues, what you are saying is so incomprehensibly stupid my dog could offer a more reasonable sentence. Anorexia and obesity are both conditions caused by unhealthy relationships with food, according to your “logic” that means they should be treated the same, so anorexic people should be given gastric bands and obese people should be administered steriods for rapid growth of mass…

        You are in absolutely no position to be saying that other people have more to figure out, because you know literally nothing on topics you run your mouth about, yet still scream your factually disproven opinion as if it were truth. Nothing, I repeat, not a single sentence in your post is supported by any real world evidence whatsoever.

    • Reply
      Tracy Journell
      2023-05-14 at 12:41 PM

      Thank you Ed! Yes there is nothing but pure hatred coming from most people’s comments on this page & it disheartening. There are different levels of autism & a lot of autisic people have multiple disabilities & possibly not properly diagnosed anyway. So immediately blaming them (especially non verbal) is inhumane & cruel. Its okay if you don’t understand them so you avoid contact but to say they are all evil is only showing the true “evil” person here is them.

  • Reply
    Ricky Moore
    2022-08-26 at 8:28 PM

    Fuck you and fuck your opinion. After spending a lifetime around lying trash trying to rationalize their total lack of integrity I could give a dead donkey’s dick about what some cunt on the internet thinks about my need for ‘excuses’. I don’t make excuses, I don’t explain myself and I hate all of these people and would happily kill them. So fuck you, fuck normies, and drink shit.

    • Reply
      Nicole Champagne
      2023-02-09 at 9:30 AM

      You’re the perfect example of precisely how so many people with disabilities conduct themselves. Entitled, selfish, mean spirited, extremely narcissistic, hateful and bitter, manipulative because people have made excuses for them their whole life. Often times they’re upset over their diagnosis, which is understandable, but that gives you no right to take it out on others. I own several community based programs that help people with disabilities, and yes many of them absolutely have no regard for anyone, very little respect for how they make anyone feel, and not an ounce of appreciation for all the effort you contribute to their life. I used to feel bad, but not anymore. I treat everyone exactly how they deserve to be treated, with respect, until they prove they don’t deserve it. Then I’ll do the minimum and spend my time on the rest of my clients who have earned the privilege of friendship. Your own family might tolerate your brand of bs, but not the rest of us. You get what you give. So maybe you should have a tall glass of liquid shit too. You’re not above anyone and I certainly have no sympathy for you.

      • Reply
        2023-02-12 at 12:56 AM

        I certainly agree with you Nicole. My partner is autistic and after the first year of living together he suddenly became a very angry and rude person. He sounds like he has lived in a cave away from society and wasn’t taught any compassion or social rules at all. I’m completely shocked at what unmasking can sound like and its not a pleasant life to be sharing with him. I try and be patient and kind but sometimes I become a raving banshee and don’t like what I’m starting to become by just being around him. We definitely speak different languages and we both misinterpret each other and that leads to frustration. If you think they don’t mean to be disrespectful, rude,blunt, cruel, violent, physically and verbally abusive, well, they sure do mean every word of it. It leaves the other person feeling unloved, disrespected, invisible and with loosely esteem. Not to mention having frayed nerves and depression.

        • Reply
          2023-04-25 at 8:06 AM

          Sorry for the typos. I have big fingers.

      • Reply
        2023-04-24 at 5:49 AM

        Yeah you are right to an extent. My friend and I are slightly different though. We both have schizoaffective disorder though which is a lot different. She works at a government job and I am going to college to be an art teacher. I graduated with a bachelors degree in liberal arts but I was unhappy with the major and decided to get my degree in Art Education. I am a rare bird because I have two degrees. My former friend who was autistic said that I should get sterilized because I am inferior for having my illness. I actually find it humorous because I actually graduated and he couldn’t even pass community college. It is actually rare for anyone to flunk out of community college. A lot of my friends with autism were really abusive. They would attack me, grab my crotch violently in public, and say really soul crushing things. I decided to avoid them. They would gaslight me and blame their autism. I have other friends with autism who are actually decent people. Some of them graduated college with a technical communication degree. I honestly don’t think it is their autism. I think when my friends make a choice to be abusive that it is all on them. They are just arseholes. They know what they are doing and they can be decent people if they wanted to but they choose not to. I blame most of it on their upbringing. They were always coddled and never really got negative consequences for their bad behavior. Some people are just spoiled and grow up to be very unbearable adults. All children need to be raised, taught, and disciplined even if they have a disability. I hate how some parents don’t discipline their autistic children and let them run the show. I am sorry you had terrible experiences with people with disabilities. Rest assure it is not their autism. I know it is convenient to use one’s disability as an excuse but it really doesn’t fly in the real world. I guess people with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder get a bad wrap so they are motivated to try harder unlike most autistic people. The media always portrays autistic people a child-like, innocent, and cuddly which is not always the case. Sine most autistic people are coddled they never seem to be motivated to be better. People with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder are often portrayed as mass shooters and killers so we have to work extra hard to be a good people because society views us negatively. I am happy that my other autistic friends worked hard to graduate and be better friends. Maybe the people you are working with are just spoiled brats.

    • Reply
      Lt. Acker
      2023-02-28 at 3:28 PM

      Let’s report this to the FBI as these are threats about killing people Ricky Moore. These days they take all threats seriously, and sounds like we need to protect others from your intent.

    • Reply
      2023-03-23 at 2:55 PM

      Let me guess excuse the language… it’s your autism right?… same song, different tune. Dipshit

  • Reply
    2022-09-27 at 9:22 PM

    Abuse isn’t specific to any disorder, anyone can be abusive. I can see people are taking their own experiences and putting the blame on autistic people as a whole, And that’s something I don’t respect.

    • Reply
      Tracy Journell
      2023-05-14 at 12:47 PM

      Thank you Ed! Yes there is nothing but pure hatred coming from most people’s comments on this page & it disheartening. There are different levels of autism & a lot of autisic people have multiple disabilities & possibly not properly diagnosed anyway. So immediately blaming them (especially non verbal) is inhumane & cruel. Its okay if you don’t understand them so you avoid contact but to say they are all evil is only showing the true “evil” person here is them.

  • Reply
    2023-01-05 at 11:56 PM

    I’d love to read your book to learn (or try to, LOL) more about autism but not at $34.99 plus shipping. Sounds like a good book with a great perspective toward autism. As we know “The Spectrum” is so massive no-one can explain autism “All Across The Spectrum”.

    • Reply
      2023-01-21 at 12:26 AM

      Thanks for looking into it. I completely understand and I wish it was more affordable too. I don’t set prices. There is a Kindle version, that is a lot more affordable.

  • Reply
    2023-04-14 at 4:30 PM

    Reading these statements from family members, teachers, and friends of aspie patients… it seems that even at the slightest criticism aspies get, they automatically go into a rage (like a 4 year old) and start making threats on the internet to people they don’t even know personally. The logic of that on its own is not good for society. If everyone thought like that, we would be back to living in caves again… in other words, this way of thinking is not good. How do you expect to thrive in anything if you just resort to rage at any and all oppositions?
    Be respectful to others unless they cross your lines. If that happens and your line is crossed, you never want to become vindictive or victimized. You be the bigger person and you stop and think. Come up with a rebuddle. Control your emotions, never let your emotions control you. It’s part of being a productive adult and it shows that you are BETTER. So be better, get well, and stay well.

  • Reply
    2023-06-07 at 8:16 PM

    There is this one guy in college. He was very predatory and he victimized a lot of women in my college. He victimized me as well and I have had PTSD from it for years. This person had autism and for many years he had violated multiple women at the college. He was very verbally abusive and manipulative. When he preyed on women, he was good at making them feel small so he can manipulate them to get what he wanted. He was relentless too. He has stalked people, and they would tell him multiple times to stop. He never had regard for anyone’s boundaries. He would deliberately do things to make people uncomfortable like talking about bugs constantly and then cry when people avoid him. I found out years later he was never into etymology. He just talked about bugs to make people uncomfortable. There was never any accountability with him. He always felt that even though he was constantly violating other people’s boundaries that everyone else was a jerk because they did not have the threshold to deal with his behavior. He was very egotistical and thought everyone else was stupid and inferior. He would talk in inflated vocabulary to make other people feel intellecually inferior to him. He often used his autism as an excuse even though he was very toxic and abusive to a lot of people around him. I used to believe that this girl I used to know was bullying him and I was really wrong. He was very good at using his autism to get sympathy. When he turned around and violated me I stopped believing him. He said a lot of derogatory things about my race. He was very racist. I was suffering from mental health issues myself. He was very demeaning towards me and my issues. He often used the fact that I had mental health issues to discredit me when he did something horrible. One time I cut ties with him, and tried to create some distance because he was really abusive to me. He would give all these bogus apologies and pressure me to be his friend even though he did a lot of things to hurt me and other people. He also tends to gaslight the people around him. He was good at manipulating everyone. He was extremely unpleasant and he was good at using his autism as an excuse to avoid negative consequences. I feel it is unfair that autism is often coddled and excused even when the autistic person is a threat to others or is consistently abusive to the people around them. People with other illnesses in most cases have to get treatment and at least try to improve themselves. That is never the case for this person who went to my college. His parents coddled him for having autism even though his behavior was really harmful. People would also downplay his behavior even though he causes a lot of harm. I was actually shocked when he told me one time before I cut ties eith him that his parents were moving him to an apartment. He has a long history of being sexually abusive to the people around him. I am actually concerned for his female neighbors and the harm he could do to them. I think his parents are very irresponsible. He needs to be put boarding home with a lot of supervision. He has not shown that he could be safe around others. He has flunked out of college. He only had one job at a movie theater and he quit weeks later. There are people who have worse autism than him that work. I know people who work as cashiers who have very low functioning autism and go to work everyday. This guy is so good at using his autism as an excuse for everything. I don’t think his autism is an excuse to commit acts of sexual violence. There are plenty of people with autism that don’t commit sexual violence. I think everyone enables him and then he will do it to the wrong person and they will report him. He is heading down a path where he is going to be in jail for the rest of his life. Honestly, I really hope this person goes to jail. I don’t care if he is autistic. Autism is not an excuse to be a sex offender. He has never shown that he can be safe around others or live a responsible life. He doesn’t even try instead he just uses his autism as a crutch. I can’t stand him.

  • Reply
    2023-09-17 at 7:08 PM

    The assholes are the ableists that are discriminating against our community by saying our communication style is rude. Being autistic isn’t rude, our communication style isn’t rude, it’s honest and blunt.

    Our communication style is better for our current society-economic problems which are filled with corruption, cronyism, and greed. We should be honest and blunt with everyone, and neurotypicals should adopt our communication style until we fix our broken society, at least in the United States.

    We don’t need niceties when the disability community has a 91% unemployment rate, only 20% of disabled people get the disability support they need from the government, and a majority of us are homeless.

    We don’t need niceties, we should be as honest and blunt as possible at all times. Niceties are during times of peace when people aren’t suffering in the streets.

    My state, Washington state, in the United States has a 50% rate of homeless people living on the streets.

    There will be ZERO niceties from me, ZERO! Until my brothers, sisters, and non-binary family members are off the streets and in housing.

    Masking autistics, take your mask off, we need you to fight against society-wide corruption, we need you to fight for everyone living on the streets. You don’t need to be nice anymore, a nice society is a weak society, it’s how we have the highest incarceration rate in world history, in the most “free” country on Earth. Stand up and rebel against this broken system and a society that wants you to be nice to literal villains that are only pretending to be nice.

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