Autism is never an excuse to be an asshole

Autism is not an excuse

Autism does not excuse bullying.

Autism isn’t a license to be mean.

Autism cannot be used to justify abuse.

While it’s true that communication problems are a core issue of autism, it doesn’t mean we can use our diagnosis as a free pass to say whatever we want, and it doesn’t grant us immunity from the things we do say. Autistic people can be blunt, but we need to strive to express ourselves respectfully. Serious discussions or not, on social media or in person, it’s our responsibility to learn how to keep debate and disagreements civil. Indeed, autism can sometimes explain lousy behavior, but it doesn’t excuse the hurt it may cause. As an autistic person, I’ve unintentionally hurt people. But, I would never purposely hurt someone and then shift the responsibility to the diagnosis I carry.

Hurting others because you’re upset does not solve your problems — it just hurts you more.

Thanks for the letter board quote Planning Across the Spectrum

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  • Reply
    2021-08-07 at 7:29 AM

    im still ape so i can kill you if i want to

  • Reply
    2021-08-07 at 5:57 PM

    Pretty sure it’s obvious, but in case anyone missed it, “LOL” wants you all to know that they’re the asshole referred to in this post, and that them being an asshole has nothing to do with whether they’re autistic. And also they’re an ape and allergic to capital letters and punctuation. 🙂

  • Reply
    2021-11-27 at 6:47 AM

    Kindness is still a key to use against someone because you might not know what they’re going through.
    You don’t fight hate with hate, fight it with kindness – Quote from Dhar man

    • Reply
      2022-03-06 at 8:49 PM

      It’s to the point where I don’t care and actively avoid people with autism because they WILL hurt you and then cry about it when called out. I used to be sympathetic but now I think you guys are unironically evil

      • Reply
        Lisa George
        2022-03-22 at 3:30 AM

        I agree. Thanks for that response because you nailed it.

      • Reply
        2022-03-22 at 3:32 AM

        I agree. Thanks for that response because you nailed it.

      • Reply
        Ann Russell
        2022-06-17 at 1:05 PM

        Yep. I’ve dated an abusive narcissist and an highly functioning autistic man. No difference. They mask in the beginning to get you in and then they take away all the affection and attention that lured you in. You become a mother. A nag. Begging to be hugged and kissed. Casandra syndrome is a real thing. It causes mental and physical problems for the neurotypical partner. Abuse is abuse whether you mean to or not. These articles make me angry. If an autistic person is capable of getting a phd, they are more than capable of going to therapy and reading self help books. Autism is not a valid excuse for neglect and abuse! There are little treatment resources for the neurotypical partners who are left completely burnt out and lost after going thru the wringer with an autistic man. They are just as evil as narcissists but for some reason they get sympathy and special accommodations in this world. No. Learn to live in this world and not hurt people. Period.

        • Reply
          evil autist
          2022-12-25 at 10:23 AM

          what the fuck is wrong with you? genuinely

      • Reply
        2022-08-17 at 12:55 AM

        I think you are evil.

  • Reply
    Jonny Bu'tthurt
    2021-12-19 at 8:12 PM

    most people with autism are arseholes, though not all arseholes have autism.

  • Reply
    art teacher
    2022-04-27 at 1:33 AM

    I’m here because I just had a student be an asshole to me. His mother takes class with him to help “support” him and they *both* went off on me because I asked him to put his tablet away. This is a group sculpting class & he’s gaming & taking calls from his friends… I’ve never experienced this before because, you know, people sign up to make art. After I asked for the device to be put away, Mom asks him to put it away & he raises his fist to her like he’s going to strike. Mom saw my face & heard me say “whoa” (gut reaction) and she went off on me saying “he’s autistic, he’s autistic… I know my son…I don’t feel welcome or safe here… you make me feel like a crap mom…we’re going to leave.” It was crazy AND she claims to be a therapist. I’ve had students with different levels of autism before but felt compelled to search “What’s the difference between autism & being an asshole?” Your page came up.

  • Reply
    Alisha Smith
    2022-06-08 at 3:29 PM

    I’m here because my mother in law adopted her son when he was a baby. He turned out to be autistic. I’ve been in the family for 7 years. At first, the boy wasn’t much of a bother, he stayed to himself and mostly played on his tablet. Now it’s a whole other story. He will call me stupid if I sit in his spot. He will call my husband and I fat. He gets sent home from school almost every single day because he will hit, spit on and verbally abuse his teachers. I don’t know how my mother in law deals with it because he won’t listen to her or his dad. I have found myself not wanting to go visit my mother in law because of this ( and I love her and always have a fun time there, if it wasn’t for him). I honestly feel like I’m being bullied by a 12 year old. I’m afraid of what he will say to me or my husband in front of the rest of the family and embarrass us.
    A few years ago he came to our wedding and he was extremely rude to a good friend of mine, who is a teacher, and she said that kid is an asshole. I said yea, he’s autistic. And she said that doesn’t give him an excuse to be an asshole. And that statement stuck with me. It is not an excuse.

  • Reply
    John Smith
    2022-06-10 at 11:36 PM

    Just a friendly FYI that this article is being used as a means *to* bully people. I received a link to this article after a disagreement with someone, and it’s pretty obvious the intent was to call me an asshole–and autistic.

  • Reply
    Mako Eyveit
    2022-07-16 at 10:34 PM

    Read this after an autistic person used autism as an excuse to abuse me and attack me and also a girl using autism as an excuse to use me and make me look bad. I hate when people use autism as an excuse to treat their friends like shit and ignore their traumas like they’re the victim..

    • Reply
      Layla Levi
      2022-08-06 at 5:49 PM

      I’ve been through the same in a past relationship. My ex always excused their toxic and abusive behavior with their autism. And also to tell me she ‘has it worse than me in life’ and to invalidate my trauma…

  • Reply
    Joe watson
    2022-08-02 at 1:42 AM

    My gfs son is a total arsehole bullies his little sister wraps his mum around his finger and never gets punished as he “has issues”. The smug look on the little shits face when he upsets someone isnt autism I swear he’s just evil. He plays everyone because the second he is in trouble his head goes down and plays the pity card “I dont understand” next thing hes getting a hug from his mum or nan and gets a treat. Manipulating little arsehole.

  • Reply
    2022-08-15 at 5:29 AM

    My 14 yr old austistic son can make a mess of the bathroom and I am made to feel like an ogre of a father when I call him out about it.

  • Reply
    2022-08-17 at 1:03 AM

    Very disappointing comments, which are full of hate. This comment page is an example of the hate autistic people have to go through. No, it is the people on this page who are abusive and neglectful towards autistic people.

    • Reply
      Ricky Moore
      2022-08-26 at 8:29 PM

      Normies deserve to be shot in the head.

  • Reply
    Ricky Moore
    2022-08-26 at 8:28 PM

    Fuck you and fuck your opinion. After spending a lifetime around lying trash trying to rationalize their total lack of integrity I could give a dead donkey’s dick about what some cunt on the internet thinks about my need for ‘excuses’. I don’t make excuses, I don’t explain myself and I hate all of these people and would happily kill them. So fuck you, fuck normies, and drink shit.

  • Reply
    2022-09-27 at 9:22 PM

    Abuse isn’t specific to any disorder, anyone can be abusive. I can see people are taking their own experiences and putting the blame on autistic people as a whole, And that’s something I don’t respect.

  • Reply
    2023-01-05 at 11:56 PM

    I’d love to read your book to learn (or try to, LOL) more about autism but not at $34.99 plus shipping. Sounds like a good book with a great perspective toward autism. As we know “The Spectrum” is so massive no-one can explain autism “All Across The Spectrum”.

    • Reply
      2023-01-21 at 12:26 AM

      Thanks for looking into it. I completely understand and I wish it was more affordable too. I don’t set prices. There is a Kindle version, that is a lot more affordable.

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