Potty training a child whether autistic or not can be challenging.
When Charlie was 2 1/2, we decided to give potty training a shot with the help of his ABA therapists. Having a child with autism, I worry about not knowing whether or not my son will ever be able to take care of himself. It’s really important for me to teach Charlie self-care skills. He has several daily-living goals in therapy like toilet training, teeth brushing, and hand washing.
When Charlie’s BCBA told us that she didn’t see any reasons not to try potty training, I’m not gonna lie, I was skeptical. How was he supposed to understand the concept of peeing in the potty, let alone accepting sitting on the potty? It seemed impossible. To put it into perspective, when Charlie was 2 1/2, he had no words, no way of communicating (we were working on PECS with little success), he couldn’t follow directions, he screamed an average of 60 times per hour and he had regression after regression. Well, I was wrong, it took a couple weeks of tears, accidents, and tantrums but after that, Charlie was able to pee on the potty. We still have to take him or else he won’t go on his own. He’s not fully potty-trained but if we remember to take him every hour or so, he will stay dry. It’s a big success for us.
How to help your autistic child with potty training?
If your child is high-functioning, you may be able to use social stories, video modeling, or visual cues. For instance, you can use picture cards that describe the step-by-step process required to pee in the toilet. You can also use actual photos that you have taken of your child using the toilet if your toddler likes more concrete examples. Make sure to place these photos in the correct order of steps (ie: First take off pants, then take off underwear, then sit on the potty, etc.) and place it somewhere your child can easily see it.
Using visual cues or social stories wasn’t an option with Charlie. He was too far behind in his development to understand any of it so we had to find another way to teach him property. I’m going to share with you what worked for us. Remember, all children are different and it may not work for you. That said, if you’re consistent and follow this plan thoroughly, it should work! Before you start, you have to be sure you have time to commit to it. Potty training is a big commitment that requires careful planning, and you have to follow a strict plan. There isn’t a miracle plan that fits all autistic children but this worked well for us.
Here’s how to potty train an autistic child in 5 easy steps.
1 – Make the bathroom fun.
If your child is anything like Charlie, he may not even want to come near the potty or enter the bathroom. You can make the bathroom fun by spending time in there with your child without placing any demands on him. Bring books, blanket, pillows, an iPad, or whatever toys your child really likes. Spend time in the bathroom just hanging out. Remember to make it fun! You want your child to associate the bathroom with a positive experience.
2 – Find a reinforcer.
Find something that your child loves, something he doesn’t get often. It can be edible, like M&Ms or chocolate chips. Maybe stickers? Hot Wheels cars? You know your child best! Make sure that your child only gets access to your reinforcer of choice during potty time. For instance, if you choose chocolate chips, do not give your toddler chocolate chips outside of the bathroom. It’s very important to keep your reinforcer highly motivating so your child associates potty with a highly preferred item. We chose M&Ms, Nutella, and cookies. We had to change often because Charlie’s tastes are always changing.
3 – Bye-bye diapers
So now, you have your reinforcer and you made the bathroom fun. It’s time to start the potty-training process. No more diapers except at night-time. This is very important. That’s why you have to make sure that everyone is on board before you start the process. Put your child in underwear or training pants. There will be accidents, it’s a normal part of the process.
4 – Set up a timer every 30 minutes
Set up a timer every 30 minutes and say “It’s time to go potty”. At first, you just want your child to at least sit on the potty. He probably won’t want to sit at first, and that’s okay. Be really encouraging when he does sit and give him lots of praise. Give him chocolate chips or whatever reinforcer you chose. In the beginning, make him sit for 15 seconds. You can set up a timer with your phone when he’s on the potty and say, “ok you’re gonna sit on the potty for 15 seconds and then you get chocolate chips”. Show him the timer so he can see the numbers go down. Once he sat for 15 seconds, let him get up and give him the reinforcer you choose in step 1 like one chocolate chip. If he pees on the potty, give him 5 chocolate chips.
5 – Accidents
If your child has an accident, do not scold him. Explain kindly that pee goes in the potty. Take your child to the bathroom and have him repeat step 4. Charlie’s therapists also recommended keeping a spreadsheet with the time you take your child to the bathroom, the amount of time he spent sitting on the potty, whether he peed or not, and an accident chart with the times as well.
Don’t give up!
After a few days, I was about ready to give up with Charlie. He kept having accidents and he didn’t even want to sit on the potty. He screamed bloody murder when we made him sit on the potty. It was hard. But after a few days of repeating the process of sitting on the potty every 30 minutes for 15 seconds, he got used to it. We had our first pee-success after about a week if I recall correctly.
2 years later, he has very few accidents as long as we remember to take him to the potty every hour or so. We’re working on having him request to use the potty with his iPad. We’re not quite there yet.
If potty training your ASD child doesn’t work right away, it’s okay. Be patient. There will be accidents and there will be frustration but if you stick to the plan, it will most likely work eventually. If your child is in therapy, ask for your therapist’s support. It’s important that everyone is on board and following the same plan for it to be successful. If after 3 weeks, you still haven’t been successful, give yourself and your child a break and try again later. Remember that potty training a child with special needs is even harder than potty training a neurotypical toddler so don’t be hard on yourself or your child.
Anne Jantos2018-11-18 at 5:29 PM
Thank you so much for charing!
Daniel2019-02-20 at 7:01 AM
Nice post but please take care of the language used, I understand it’s a more proper way to refer to them as children with autism, not autistic children.
We must be careful with labels and categorising people. They are persons after all, not just a label.
Eileen2019-02-20 at 10:36 PM
I’m autistic too. I don’t care what people call me as long as it’s respectful. Child with autism is fine.
lora torres2021-12-03 at 4:24 AM
You very gracious, I don’t gave children but friend with children and we not but as up on all the new acceptable terms but not for a lack of bring sensitive.
Demented Seamstress2019-04-13 at 2:31 AM
There are those on the spectrum who prefer autistic person rather than person first language. They do not see autism as a disease but rather part of who they are and their personality. Its important to take their preferences into account and best to ask their preference in this matter. I have 2 children who are autistic, this is what they prefer.
Joni2019-05-11 at 3:57 PM
To those commenters above *seriously? If you’re here on her page then you should be here to read what she has to say on toilet training so why give her grief over how she phrases a person has autism? Did you find the information useful or not? Thanks Eileen for sharing! 🙂 I am currently trying to figure out how to toilet train my ds and honestly I’ve been hesitant because it seems that much more daunting than it was with his non-autistic sister. I know I just need to plunge into it. Thanks for the encouragement I need right now.
Theresa MOaks2020-06-19 at 6:07 PM
THANK YOU! I agree 100% I work with an autistic little one and am hoping that next school year we will be able to get her mostly trained. This article was great, with some good ideas that I am hoping to implement.
Catherine Brown2019-06-03 at 9:55 PM
Thank you so much for sharing your’s and
Your son Charlie’s experience in potty training. My oldest son also goes by Charlie ^-^ I have been at a lose at how to potty train him after so many failed attempts. Your advice is a Gad sent! I am gonna try this with Charlie and hopefully things go better. I know my question may sound stupid to some, but my son is only turning 3 next month and I’m still new to all this. Does pull-Ups count as diapers or do you think I could use those instead of underwear?
Eileen2019-06-04 at 5:13 PM
It’s usually recommended to not use pull ups either but whatever works for your family 🙂
Xinix Xavier2023-04-08 at 1:33 PM
Thank you for sharing. I’m from India and following your post. We too are trying our best to potty training our 7 yr old neice. She passes urine without any issue but when it comes to passing stool she will hold it so hard that she won’t even sit on potty. She will make her limbs stiff . Anyway thanks again for your inspiration.
Janna2019-07-28 at 4:55 AM
Thank you so much for sharing this! And what are the odds, my autistic son is called Charlie aswell!
David N. Andrews M. Ed., C. P. S. E.2021-11-01 at 7:42 PM
Non-abusive way to enable him to become a bit more independent and autonomous … just waiting for _that lot_ to chime in. I have my questions ready for them.
lora torres2021-12-03 at 4:25 AM
You very gracious, I don’t have children but friend with children and we not but as up on all the new acceptable terms but not for a lack of bring sensitive.
Jen Vasiliades2022-04-21 at 12:48 AM
I have a 5 yr old son with autism who is currently potty training. We have tried unsuccessfully several times over the past 1.5 yr. When either of us begins to get stressed over it we take a break. This is the first time he seems to be getting it! He just peed in the floor and to keep from getting upset, I picked up my phone to scroll for a few minutes… your article popped up. Excellent timing! I’m encouraged.
Uno2022-06-15 at 11:18 AM
Thank you so much. My son is non-verbal 3 years Starts school in September and I want to try this process. This was laid out perfectly.
P:S don’t be offended by those with useless comments sometimes people have both better to do than trying to be negative all the time. 🙂
Deborah2022-08-03 at 5:46 PM
I am late to this blog, do not even know if anyone is still monitoring, grateful for all the mom’s and caregivers connecting and searching. you were me 21 years ago when my 2 year old was diagnosed. Be helpful to one another, not critical, judgmental.
today, I am needing a place to connect with adult children on the spectrum. anyone know where to go for community such as this one here?
Alexia Cerwinski Pierce2022-09-26 at 2:47 AM
I am so worried I will never get my kiddos potty trained. I have 3 toddlers who are autistic. My twin girls just turned 3. And my son just turned 2. My son isn’t fully walking independently yet. He still holds into the furniture. So I figure it’s a no go until he is atleast walking. My girls, one is familiar with the training potty. She suffers from severe constipation, so I bought her a training potty about 2 years ago. She sits on it to poop when I can see she is struggling to go. But her sister refuses to sit on it and I haven’t tried very hard to make her. I am so overwhelmed and the thought of potty training terrifies me. Would you suggest maybe trying them one at a time. Maybe start with my daughter who is already familiar with the potty. She is the only one with any kind of communication abilities. No speech, but she can point at things and we are working on sign language. It hasn’t quite caught on yet. But we are working on it.
Sara2022-12-05 at 6:40 PM
Hi! I am hoping that you can help me. Please email me back because I am not sure if I will remember where I found this post.
Gosh, where to begin because it is a lot. My son is about to turn 9yrs old and ever since about 4 years ago we started training. He is High Functioning Autistic, Low IQ, ADHD, Developmentally Delayed, Sensory Issues with anxiety, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Yes, he has a lot going on. Due to his mental age I potty trained him and his sister at the same time hoping that he would catch on. She did and he only caught onto the urination part. Insisted on doing a BM in a pull up. Very scared to sit on the potty. I have even tried a plastic floor potty thinking that would help but no luck. So here we are 4-5 years later and I am still researching how to help him. Any time I bring him into the bathroom when I notice he has an urge to do a BM he fights me and pushs back and I do all I can to tell him that it is ok and I am here while inching our way into the bathroom. He has been able to sit for a few minutes randomly on the toilet and I make him comfortable but that has been it. his biological father does not believe that he’s autistic. I have an ABA therapist coming in but we have yet to start on the toilet training because due to the spectrum that he is on it took 4 years for him to even qualify for therapy. His way is to wear a bed wetters good night pull up to bed, then go in it in the AM while we are picking out clothes for school (he is in CI class at our local elementary school) , then I clean him up , get dressed and done. His dad has been giving me grief and arguing with me saying that he should not be going this way and needs to be trained. I too want him trained and I have tried countless methods. I will try yours next but I am wondering if you have any suggestions. I have red things from, they will go when they are ready to- they need to be trained and heres how… emotionally as a parent this is very difficult. I will do what it takes of course but I am just looking for some advise.
Peggy2023-01-29 at 2:58 PM
If you didn’t refer to your child as autistic I never would’ve found your article. It is very helpful and now I am going to give it a try. Thank you for posting.